It never seems to fail that when resources are running low, i get a case of the gimmes. there are all these things that i want, all of a sudden inspiration runs wild, and everything seems to have possibility... if only i had the cash.
we returned from vacation (probably one the most relaxing vacations we'd ever had), pulled off the highway and into our town. i felt like i was on mars. everything looked foreign and everything felt pretty drab. we turn down our street, head towards our home, pull into the driveway, our daughter unlocks the door and the stale air greets me with all of its lackluster.
and then it started... i scanned each room with disdain. how could we call this place home? i hate it here. everything looks so tired. i am so uninspired. how do i help people with their homes when mine looks like this?
granted, i had just gotten off the road from a 12 hour drive, spread across two days with my beloved and our dear 7 year old, with the last leg of the tour being rush hour traffic through New York into Connecticut. i think all i wanted to do at that point was leave my body.
before leaving for our vacation, i decided to try something different and not fuss over our house before we left. i did this so i wouldn't feel stressed on our departure. i was already stressing about other things, like how to entertain a 7 yr old for 12 hrs in the car. (which by the way was a waste of energy... she was as close to a saint as a 7 yr old could be. thank you, Lord!)
usually, i make sure the house is spotless, the beds are made, the dishes are put away so that when i walk through the front door i say, "ahh! i'm home!"
truth be told, my home hasn't been giving me that feeling for a while.
we renovated 95% of it about 8 years ago while i was pregnant and all of a sudden everything is looking like it needs attention all at once. definitely one of the draw backs of going gung-ho with updates. but just try and reason with a pregnant lady making her nest. i look back at that time and wonder how we did it and grew a super-human to boot!
and we've been going through some changes.
these days, those 500 square feet mock apartments in IKEA are looking pretty enticing while the reality of owning a home is not.
even though i regularly purge our stuff, i feel burdened by the amount we have. i am tired of taking care of all of it. i am sure some of my neighbors think i am mentally disturbed when they see all the free stuff on the curb every three months or so. it seems that no matter how much i get rid of there's always more.
isn't there a wise saying that states something like:"the one thing that is constant is change" i have a hard time with that one.
sometimes i'd like to seal myself off in a time capsule and call it a life, but my creativity and mind won't let me (thank, God).
as a matter of fact, when i start to seal myself off and try to make things permanent, that's when the the inspiration starts to slowly seep in, challenging me to use what i have, make it better and take it to the next level.
i was wondering if my very relaxing vacation would have anything to teach me and i think i just got my answer.